Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
