Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
