I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
