3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
