the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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