I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
