I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
