Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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