Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
