last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
