guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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