yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
