He kissed a someone with a penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
