Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
