guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
