Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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