Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize