quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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