One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
