It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
