i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish you could order shots online.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
