mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
