1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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