yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
