??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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