if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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