are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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