I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
