I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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