Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
