70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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