Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
