I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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