it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
