WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
People in love make me want to vomit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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