the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
