6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
