yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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