Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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