In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Still dying that you shit outside
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
