Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
