I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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