1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
