her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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