wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just had sex on a roof
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
