I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
