He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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