I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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