How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
