we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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