I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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