Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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