I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize