I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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