After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have post one night stand depression
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
