I accidentally burped into my bong.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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